Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
