RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
