I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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