I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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