if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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