dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
