I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
