Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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