It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
