if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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