if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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