I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
