i just google imaged poop.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
