he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
