he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize