cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
