Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
