I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
