TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize