Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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