dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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