Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
