Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize