Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
