he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
