She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
