Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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