Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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