don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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