And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
