if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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