i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
