Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
