Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
