Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
