dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
