Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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