we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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