So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
