This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
