my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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