He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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