I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
