Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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