What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
