Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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