Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
