i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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