You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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