Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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