I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
