During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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