That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
