he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
