Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
