can u get pink eye on your cock?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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