I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
