Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
