Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
