Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
