I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
