people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
