Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
