i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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