He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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