I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
