I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
time to smoke my breakfast
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
